Juniper's Adventures in Alodarian: Part One

The water ring was engraved into Juniper’s desk like a grunge tattoo on a biker and it greeted its favorite mug promptly at 7:16 a.m. Steam escaped the mug and crept up the window, creating undesirable dusty drops of rain. Her daze carried her through the window, out to the autumn sage wilting in the sun. Although the beautiful flowers were on their way out of this world, her favorite hummingbird still found hope and reprieve among them, waving its brilliant translucent wings in the wind, expectedly flittering from branch to branch as it grabbed a morning snack. 

She could feel it. Change was coming quicker than the hummingbird could fly off into the distance. She craved the stability offered by the ring on her desk and the wilting flowers she had been too busy to water. Even though she felt the pressure of change lurking, creating the dreaded sensation of someone sneaking up behind you waiting to pounce, she sat silently, counting the grassless blades in her front weed patch.

“Alright, I’ll see you later,” he said. “I should be home by lunch.”

“Sounds good. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

7:37 a.m. The dictating slip of florescent pink paper strapped to her planner screamed that it was seven minutes past the daily packing time. Without hesitation, she pulled herself over to the boxes and started meticulously placing each item into the endless void. She spent an hour packing each day, and it seemed as if new possessions were materializing to fill space quicker than she could clear it. She was getting nowhere, and the lurking stranger continued to creep closer by the minute.

If only I could be a hummingbird, she thought. I could live as effortlessly as the wind blew upon my wings.

She tried to embrace the lurking stranger by scrubbing as hard as she could, but the weight of the water ring simply would not lift. There was no stopping what had been put into motion.

Juniper’s next step had always been planned. Someone had been there at every life turn to place steppingstones in the endless lake lying before her, allowing for effortless travel. But now that she was facing the unknown, she regretted the help and entered free fall. Any day now someone would bring the dreaded knock on her door and she would be whisked away. She did not know when it was coming or who exactly would be on the other side, but she had to be ready. She had started by packing the most important things in case she ran out of time, but at this point she simply packed out of habit.

“Son of a… I cannot believe... This is great. Just great! This is just what I need.”

“Umm, hello?” She worked her way to the bedroom balcony where she heard an unfamiliar voice mumbling to itself. “Is someone there?”

“Ahoy there!”

“AH!” Glass shattered across the hardwood floor as she dropped her favorite coffee mug. “What are you doing in my bedroom in the middle of the day? Who are you?”

A scrawny creature stood in front of her. He looked like a man, but he had wings made of what seemed to be discounted candy. He wore crooked glasses and carried a childlike backpack made of used candy wrappers.

“Names Lars. I am here to pick you up. Act surprised, okay? They like you to be surprised,” the creature said in a voice that sounded exactly as she imagined.

“You didn’t answer my question. Why are you in my bedroom? You could have used the front door,” Juniper said.

“And you didn’t seem to hear me. They. Like. You. To. Be. Surprised. WABAM! Enter Lars. Are you ready to go or what?”

Lars impatiently stared at the over-sized pocket watch he had dramatically whipped out of his side pocket, making sure Juniper could sense the palpable impatience. He started muttering to himself as if he were making mental notes or working on an alibi.

“Yeah…okay. Let me just grab my boxes.” Juniper wasn’t sure what to do in this moment. She was hesitant to turn her back on the creature, yet she felt sorry for him as he muttered in the corner of her bedroom.

“Boxes?” Lars said.

“…yes, boxes. The things that hold stuff for you when you make a move.”

“Umm, yeah. I know what a box is. But thank you for that. I meant, why do you have any in the first place? You can’t bring any with you.”

“You really expect me to carry everything in my hands? Did you see what just happened to my mug?”

“No, I expect you to hold on.”

“Wha…ahhhh!”

Before she could grasp what was happening, she was thrown off the balcony and then caught abruptly, held up only by the scrawny arm dangling her down low.

“Ow! What was that?” She now saw blood dripping down her leg slowly, and trees were alarmingly close, rushing past below.

“WE’RE FLYING? Oh gosh, we’re flying. Do not look down. Do not. Look. Down.”

“Can you stop talking to yourself, crazy? I am trying to steer here.”

“You could have warned me. And maybe you could do a better job, you just rammed me into a tree.”

“Do we really have to go over this whole surprise thing again? Now, if you don’t mind. I am a tad busy.”

They flew for what seemed like ages, which, unfortunately, gave her too much time to think about what was happening. Lars was not who she was expecting to find – not at her door and especially not flying in her bedroom window. Her meticulous planning and packing had all been for naught. Lars had taken away the one thing she had left to control. She had nothing. No one. She had been paralyzed by fear, which led to her decision to keep this all to herself. She regretted this decision now that she was gone, but it was far too late. By the look of things, she was going somewhere even more precarious than she could have imagined.

Lars made his descent and grew wobblier still. He seemed to trip over his own foot and perform a precarious attempt at the tuck and roll, throwing her into the distance where she landed in a giant puddle of something purple and sticky.

“Is this… taffy?” She stood up, working to pull a stringy, impossibly sticky mess off her shoe, like a used piece of gum fresh from a giant’s mouth.

“Hey, watch it, alright? You can’t just go stealing people’s candy. Who does that?” Lars seemed thoroughly disgusted by her lack of ground-candy etiquette. “Come on, he is waiting for us.”

Lars led the way into a tilted building that seemed to be held up by no more than a few thick Pixie Stix glued in place by more purple taffy.

“Ah, Lars. You made it back. Several thought you would be found hanging upside down from a lollipop tree,” chuckled the large figure sitting on a throne of graham cracker crust legs and cheesecake filling. “Not only did you make it back, you found her! Nicely done, my boy. I am Alodar, and you are now standing in my home. Do not make me regret bringing you here, alright? Do you know why you are here?”

Alodar looked like an oversized cartoon alien. His cheeks swung down low, creating the illusion that his head melted right into his chest. His bug-like eyes bulged out of his scalp, which was bald and covered in some type of green slimy gel that had been thoughtfully slathered on in a design she could not recognize. He had bits of frosted candy hanging off every possible fat fold from his neck to his ankles. Alodar had a dozen decorated officials standing close, being sure not to cross in front of the throne. There were no uniforms, which she found odd, and they all had their own brand of candy as a theme for their attire. Juniper didn’t notice the distinguishable frost dripping from anyone surrounding his majesty, and she assumed this to be a sign of great status. One thing they did all have in common, though, was the abstract purple pin tied in their hair, seemingly made of the same purple taffy she had been scolded over moments before.

Lars nudged her aggressively in the spine. “His majesty asked you a question.”

“Oh, uh, right. Well, it started when I found that strange man at the bookstore. He had good taste in books, and I talked to him for a long time. He mentioned that I needed to join his book group. Typically, I would not do something like that because it seems a bit sketchy, but I have been trying to work on myself lately. You know, be a bit more adventurous. He had me sign the member agreement. I didn’t read it, because, well, who reads those things, anyway? Before I knew it, he was telling me that someone was going to be coming for me. Someone scary. Powerful. And that I could not run. That is when—”

“Of course you brought us one of the annoying ones, Lars. Good heavens, girl. Do you ever close that mouth of yours? No one has time for that nonsense.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just—”

“Repeat after me: I am in the land of Alodar. I will not touch his taffy, and I will do what I signed up to do.”

“But I signed up to read books and—”

“…I am in the land of…Alodar? I, uh, will not touch his taf—taffy, and I will do what I signed up to do.”

“Was that so hard? Now, go away.”

She leaned in close to Lars as they turned to leave, fearful of Alodar overhearing her continuing to talk and question. “Where am I? What did I sign up to do? Who is Alodar, really? Is the entire world really made of candy? How do I get out of here? What if I—”

“Alodar was right. You do talk too much.” Lars left her in the doorway of the candy palace, and she was alone once again.

Cobblestone streets wove tightly through what she assumed was town square. At first glance, the streets were made of purposefully paced high-end stones, but upon further examination she noticed they had a slight stickiness to them as she walked across. She bent down to look closer, being careful not to touch in case it was more of Alodar’s taffy.

Is that…rice crispy treat? Seeing as it wasn’t purple or stretchy, she found the courage to tear off a small piece to place cautiously on her tongue. It is. Rice crispy treat streets…how odd.

The buildings lining the sticky streets were tall and skinny. So skinny, in fact, that it was possible no one ever dreamed of entering them. Perhaps they were all for show. If they were, it was not a show to which it was worth buying tickets. Each building looked like it was relying on the next to keep from tumbling. The infamous purple taffy was lining the ground, attempting to hold the buildings upright, but failing immensely. Each building had a different brightly colored door, made of what could only be Red Vines woven tightly together. Further up the street, florescent birds were dancing on top of an electric wire fueled with the familiar neon yellow of Mountain Dew.

The streets reminded her of a casual Sunday morning back home. There were people chatting as they meandered through the streets. A strange fairy-like creature with enormous black wings covered in pixie dust sat reading, propped up against one of the precarious buildings, unaware of the fact that an ostensibly human couple was standing nearby, spraying each other with whipped cream. Their child sat near on the ground playing with what seemed to be a turtle with a gum drop shell. Juniper clearly didn’t fit in here, but no one noticed. They seemed used to having foreigners walking the streets.

Even now in this mysterious land, which seemed more like a dream than anything else, she could not seem to let go of her fear. She had nothing to lose anymore. Yet, she was terrified of losing something all the same. Perhaps it was her sense of security and sameness. She no longer had the comfort of her engraved water ring or her couch spot. The man she loved had been replaced by an insecure, muttering, candy creature. And now, along with the inevitable diabetes waiting for her in this foreign land, he was all she had to rely upon. She didn’t even know if she was still in the same land or time. She couldn’t blame people for not wanting to talk and answer her questions with Alodar lurking around. He didn’t seem like a fan of talking. Or of people for that matter.

Whoosh.

“Actually, I was…”

“It takes a true leader to be able to build such a magnificent land. I wouldn’t expect you to be able to appreciate the grandeur of my accomplishments, seeing as how you have accomplished, well, nothing.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I know you. You are all the same. Scared to be extraordinary. To step outside the confines of reality to create something remarkable. Look at this little guy for example.” Alodar pointed to what appeared to be a plump caterpillar struggling to make his way across the sticky ground. “This little guy is made entirely of marshmallows. Yet, here he is. Breathing. Scurrying through the streets to meet his family. Now, how is that possible?”

“It’s not.”

“Oh, but it is. You see him, don’t you?”

“That doesn’t mean he, or any of this, is real.”

“See? There’s your problem. Even when faced with something undeniably sitting in front of you, you still refuse to believe it is happening. Until you take off those handcuffs that have held you back your whole life, you will never be anything. You will stay, forever, unremarkable. Now tell me. Are you ready to take the cuffs off?”

She found herself staring into Alodar’s eyes. She swore she could see the whole land lying just beyond his deep irises. She was shaken back to reality as she leaned in too close to his face in fascination and felt an alarming goopy green puddle splash from his head onto her own.

“I don’t know. I mean, I just got here and—”

“There you go again. Cuffs. Take them off. The world is not going to wait for you.”

“What did you have in mind?”

The sinister smile that spread across his face in this moment was menacingly intimidating. She knew that she could go along with him or, well, she didn’t want to know what would happen.

“Just beyond the apple juice river you will see a single grazing chocolate milk cow. I need her. Bring her to me immediately.”

“That’s it? That seems like something you could easily do yourself seeing as how you whipped in here unannounced earlier.”

“It is never a matter of if I can do something. I need you to do this.”

“You want me to move some magical cow across a flowing river of…juice?”

“Do you always feel the need to repeat everything? Take off the cuffs. Go. Now.”

“Can you at least tell me where I need to go to find this juice river?” But it was too late. He was already gone.

She walked for what felt like hours, seeing more of the same: precarious sugary buildings, unrealistic bugs, and mysterious sticky things threatening to fall. After a while she came across an alcove. There were no brightly colored sticky things crowding the doorways, and most unsettling at this point, it was lacking the familiar purple taffy that was present everywhere else in the world. Even though she wasn’t particularly fond of the world she had been exploring for the past few hours, she knew that whatever was through this entrance would be worse than the oddities her imagination had somehow conjured up in Alodar’s crazy adventure land. Unfortunately, it was the only way she saw forward. She could circle back and try to ask for help, but that didn’t seem promising.

It is just a tunnel made of black licorice, she told herself. I mean, no one likes black licorice, but how dangerous could it really be? She had become familiarized with the new norm, grasping at any stability she could find, and this tunnel threatened that illusion. Her new stability had become marshmallow bugs and taffy-covered houses, and it did not include pitch-black tunnels with who-knows-what on the other end.  

            “Ahoy there!”

            She almost fell into the gaping darkness stunned by Lars’ abrupt reappearance.

            “Oh. You again.”

            “So, you go from being scared of a little taffy to venturing, alone, into a tunnel that leads to nowhere?”

            “I have to find a river and a cow and…something about chocolate milk, or a chocolate river? Shoot…I always write things down. Why didn’t I write this down? Oh right, because you wouldn’t let me bring anything. Thank you, by the way, for leaving me back there without a word.”

            “Oh, you’re welcome! Wow, I haven’t ever had someone thank me before. I gotta say, it feels pretty good to be helping people.”

            “… and on that note, please feel free to leave once again.”

            “Ohhh no, missy. I’m coming with you. I’m not going to let you mess this up for me. Not making that mistake again.”

            Lars made his way confidently to the mouth of the tunnel and abruptly stopped.

            “On second thought, how ‘bout you go first? This is your mission after all.”

            Take off the cuffs. “Sure. No problem.”

Heading into the tunnel was the hardest part. It was the anticipation that killed her. Weeks of agonizing pain and worry were always be followed by a quick rip of a band-aid, launching her into the dreaded task, ultimately leaving her to wonder what she was even worried about in the first place. This was no different. Crossing this tunnel line was the dreaded moment.

She stood at the dividing line staring into the darkness for several moments until Lars, claiming he tripped, shoved her into the darkness.

“What the hell is your problem?! You could’ve gotten me killed! Lars?” She looked around and couldn’t find Lars anywhere. “Seriously? You are ignoring me now?” She worked to brush herself off and got to her feet. The black tunnel had disappeared along with him and she was now standing in the middle of an endless field of fruit bouquets and stacks of flashy Starburst rocks. The fear she felt seconds before completely vanished as she tried to make sense of what just happened. It seemed to be the same land, but different in some way, as if she had entered level two of the twisted game her imagination was playing on her sense of reality. Swedish fish as large as her thigh suddenly shot through the air, splashing down in a river of blood. Wait, a blood river? No…it has to be…. She bent down, using her hands as a cup, and slurped a bit of the river. Yup, red cream soda. Unreal.  

            All signs of civilization had been left behind on the other side of the tunnel with Lars. Here, it was as if she had stepped into a Bob Ross painting that had been tossed in Fun Dip and manipulated by a toddler about to hit a massive sugar crash, knocking her out for days in a coma-like state. Juniper already felt like she was in that state herself, unsure of what was really happening around her, experiencing a distorted view of reality. Ten-foot-tall reindeer danced across the shoreline with their candy-cane antlers and snowball cookie hooves, thunderously shaking the peanut brittle ground beneath her feet.

            “So, this is what Alodar has been hiding back here. Huh. We all thought he had some sort of cosmic shame closet goin’ on.” Lars finally mustered the courage to join her through the tunnel.

            “You’ve never been here? I find that hard to believe.”

            “Alodar is particular with his…servants. He has a specific job in mind for all of us. Me? I am the messenger who goes on missions when people need a good laugh. He doesn’t trust me with much of the serious. Most of the others are three times my size and could lift one of those reindeer, launching it 30-feet across this river. All I know how to do is read and spurt out random facts that none of them care about. I swear they all secretly hope one of you gets the best of me and I never find my way back.”

            “So, what? You invited yourself along with someone who was trusted with something so you can prove yourself? Sounds like a bit of a cliché if you ask me.”

            “I brought you here and I just want to show that I can see this through.”

            “Fine. So, what can you tell me about this chocolate cow?”

            “Nothing.”

            “Well, where is the apple juice river?”

            “No idea.”

            “And you wonder why no one wants you with them.”

            “Still not listening, I see. Alodar doesn’t send me on missions around here. Everything is on a need-to-know basis. All I know is that you are here, and I should keep you from eating his taffy.”

            “What is with that taffy anyway?”

            “You’re really going to keep asking me questions?”

            “Well…you know how to swim?”

            “Juniper…see these things on my back? Yeah. They are called wings. I think the real question is, do you know how to fight off larger-than-life fish?”

            “Don’t worry about me.”

            Lars backed his way up to the towering tree several yards back to get a running start, jumping one, two, three times as if kickstarting his unreliable wings. He barely made it across the river before crashing on the other side.

            “See? Nothin’ to it. Now, come on.”

            Juniper searched for an easier way to cross the chasm, but it seemed the only way was through the fish.

            “HEY! Do these things bite?” She yelled across to Lars.

            He simply shrugged and went back to nonchalantly kicking a moss-like pile of M&M’s with his foot.

            Well, here we go. She threw herself as far across the river as she could and instantly started fighting the current in a panic to emerge from the heavy, sugary soda rushing over her. As she was about to make it to the edge, she felt a violent snap in her left ankle. A fish had her entire foot in its mouth, and it plunged her deep into the river, pulling her deeper and deeper until she could no longer see the light from the shore. She spotted several more fish and they all played games with her by splashing their tails, casually swam down into the depths, sucking on her toes. Another fish swam by, knocking her into a third, and they all decided to try a bite, latching onto her hand, and oddly, her elbow of all places.

            I can’t believe I am going to die to a bunch of imaginary fish in a glorified bowl of soda that is only popular in old-fashioned movie theaters.

            The fish suddenly dropped their grasp and she was flung to the surface. Lars was standing there, still flicking the ground with his foot, but there was a slight shimmer spreading across the top of the river.

            “How did you do that?’

            “Do what? Oh, I have been carrying this weird-smelling glitter around in my bag forever. Alodar gave it to me and told me to make myself something pretty one day when he was bored. I decided since you were taking forever, I would clean out my bag. I guess it rolled into the water. Oops.”

            “You saved me.”

            “I have been staring at my feet and pulling expired gumdrops out of my bag. I didn’t save you.”

            “That glitter. You stunned the fish.”

            “Yeah, okay. Sure… this crazy lady just never seems to ease up on the wacko…”

            “Sorry, what was that? You’re mumbling to yourself again.”

            “I think you’re hearing things with all that soda clogging your ears. Oh, and you have something goopy hanging off your elbow. What exactly were you doing down there besides wasting time?”

            Lars started skipping awkwardly away from the river, humming what sounded like an off-Broadway rendition of show tunes from “Wicked,” completely ignoring her as she explained their plan for finding the cow. Once she accepted that he was no longer willing to listen, she slumped along behind him while analyzing what exactly she planned to do with the cow once she found it.

            I don’t think a cow is going to follow me back through the red river of death, and I don’t even know what happened to the tunnel anyway. There is no way out. Maybe Alodar meant for me to get trapped in here…there probably isn’t even a cow around this place…What a sick joke…

            “Hey, I found a cow. That’s what we want right? A cow?”

            Lars was petting the head of what she should have expected a cow to be in this world. The creature was completely round with an almost indistinguishable head sticking out of one end. Her body looked like a milk jug that had been dropped on the driveway but hadn’t quite ruptured. There was a thick, creamy liquid splashing around inside what could only be the cow’s stomach.

            Chocolate milk. Unbelievable.

            They had wandered into a chocolate-covered paradise while she had been debating the pros and cons of cow catching in her mind. The ground was swamp-like, as if it were melting out of existence, and mountains of Rocky Road ice cream hugged the valley, displaying enormous nuts and marshmallows rolling down the hill as the sun threatened an avalanche. Lars stood with the cow in the middle of the chocolate swamp, now feeding the creature Whoppers and some of the M&M moss from earlier that he had stashed in his makeshift pockets.

            “Wait, this can’t be the right cow, Lars. Alodar said there would be an apple juice river.”

            “You mean like that one?” Lars pointed behind him without breaking his fascination-inspired focus on the milk-jug.

            A tiny trickle of golden liquid ran down a mound of rocky road, weaving through the nuts and marshmallows, flowing ever-so-slightly across a crack in the ground.

            “That is not a river. That isn’t anything. That’s the only clue Alodar gave me here? This tiny, unrecognizable drizzle of liquid hidden in a mound of melting ice cream?”

            “Welcome to the party, Ms. Juniper. You are now officially part of Alodar’s games.”

            “Let’s just get this damn cow out of here.”

            Juniper made her way toward the cow, but perhaps she should have been a bit more strategic. The cow snapped her head up, shooting her eyes toward Juniper, threatening to run.

            “Shhh. It’s okay, girl. Shhh.”

            “This is fine. I am just fine. Proceed.”

            Juniper turned back around just in time to see the cow shifting oddly, as if it were changing shapes completely. The jug-like body flipped vertical, morphing into a jiggling mess of goop, while the small head sprouted into an enormous green ball.

            “Well done, Juniper. It was my tip about the apple juice, wasn’t it? I knew that was giving away too much.” Alodar now stood in front of her, examining his reformed arms and legs.

            “ALODAR? Are you kidding me?! You are the chocolate milk cow?”

            “I can’t believe how long you made me wait here for you like that. I mean, gross.”

            “I’m sorry, I don’t under—”

            “Well, you didn’t do as well as I hoped, but you still made it. I suppose that will do. Now, phase two,” Alodar said, cutting her off once again.

            “Phase…two?”

            “Yes, phase two. There you go repeating again. I was hoping that would have gone the way of the wind by now.”

            Juniper was thoroughly agitated by this point. This creature seemed to think he could do whatever he wanted to anyone in this land, and no one was willing to stand up to him. Well, she was not a true part of his land and she could do as she pleased.

            “Why did you send me here?” Juniper said bitingly.

            “I know what I said. Why are you telling me?”

            “Why did you have me do it?”

            “Wow, thanks Lars. Awesome. Way to stick to your guns,” Juniper shot in his direction.

            Alodar took a deep breath, composing himself. “Now, where were we... Aw, yes. Phase two.”

            “What if I don’t—”

            “I hope you brought your ice pick.”

            “Why in the world would I have an ice pick? Besides, this thing told me I couldn’t bring anything with me” she said, shooting another threatening look at Lars.

            “Sir, I know I told her to bring that. Of all things, why would I forget that detail? Come on, Juniper. Really,” Lars scoffed.

            “Yikes. Tough luck there,” Alodar said. “Well, anyways, you ready?”

End of Part One

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